


Why Gerard Hates Clocks

by fickhuck



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 11:20:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13657935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fickhuck/pseuds/fickhuck
Summary: There's a reason Gerard hates clocks. And it's not a pleasant reason.





	Why Gerard Hates Clocks

**Author's Note:**

> tw: suicide and self harm; it's really sad and I cried whilst editing. I hope you guys enjoy this, I worked hard on it. Kudos and comments are appreciated. xD.

  
_ Tick. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Tock. _   
  
Gerard hated the clocks. So much. He hated clocks with a violent passion. He knew why.   
  
He hated clocks because they reminded him of Frank.   
  
Frank always needed to know the time. Always. He had a watch around his tattooed wrist constantly, and every other minute he would check it. The time was something that made Frank feel safe.    
  
It was a constant in Frank's inconstant world. It was something familiar, the soft tick of his watch.    
  
And when Gerard was curled against Frank's chest, he could hear the soft ticking of his watch, too.   
  
He always used to like that sound. It was a sound he associated with Frank, with Frank's tattoos, with Frank's hair, Frank's moans, Frank's hands, Frank's everything. It just reminded him of Frank.   
  
But now, Frank was gone. Frank had left him, all alone in this cold world, and Gerard had shut down. He'd closed off. He'd only just been able to make it back into work, because he had to stay alive, for Frank at least. And for Mikey. But mostly for Frank.   
  
He suddenly caught a whiff of something that smelled like Frank, and that, combined with the soft ticking of the clock above him, caused him to fall into a pit of memories.   
  
_ "Hey Frankie, I'm home!" Gerard didn't usually call out like this, but Frank had seemed extra sad this morning when Gerard had left, so he wanted to make sure Frank was okay. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ No reply. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Frank?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Frank would never, ever keep Gerard waiting for him. Ever. Especially if he was feeling down. Now Gerard was worried. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Frankie, baby, where are you? I'm home now. It's okay." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Still no reply. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ 'Fuck' Gerard thought, and dumped his bag on the ground, staring to get really worried. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Frank! Where are you?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Now Gerard was stumbling around the house looking for him, going blind with panic. His heart was racing, and his breath was coming in gasps.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He pushed the bathroom door open and screamed. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Frank lay there, on the floor, covered in blood. A piece of paper in his hand, and an empty bottle of pills in the other. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "No!" Gerard gasped, and pulled out his phone. He checked Frank's neck. A weak pulse, but a pulse still. He was alive! _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Fuck, Frank, stay with me please. I fucking love you so much, and if you die on me, I won't know what to do with myself, fuck. Please, Frank." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Gerard waited for the 911 call to go through, his fingers crossed, his eyes blurry with tears. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Hello, this is 911. What your emergency?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "My husband, he-he's breathing but he's unconscious, can you send an ambulance quickly? Please, miss, he's gonna die." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Okay, there is an ambulance on its way. Stay with me on the line Mr...." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Iero, but I prefer Gerard." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Okay, Gerard, can you tell me your husband's name please?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Frank Iero." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Okay. Does this seem like a suicide to you?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Gerard's stomach churned at the thought. Frank wouldn't have done this to him. No. Frank loved him. At least he said he did. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Maybe. Frank seemed pretty happy though, and we were planning to adopt some kids soon, so he wouldn't leave me." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "You never know Gerard, you never know. The ambulance is outside, can you let them in?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Yes." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Okay, you can hang up." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Gerard hung up, and watched as the burly paramedics carried his dying husband out of their house and into the ambulance. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He was quiet the whole way to the hospital, holding Frank's hand and crying softly. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He was asleep by Frank's bed when he felt the pressure on his hand. His eyes shot open, and saw Frank's hazel eyes looking right back at him. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Frank, oh, Frankie, I-I-" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Shhh, Gerard, I love you." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Gerard nodded and wiped his eyes on the bed sheet, feeling a lump in his throat and tears stinging his eyes. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Gerard." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He looked at Frank again. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Yes?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "I love you. So much." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ And then Frank's eyes drifted shut again. Gerard hit the call button for the nurse, his hands shaking and his eyes blurring, and the nurse cams in. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Frank woke up for a minute but now he's out again..." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ The nurse simply nodded. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Ryan, his name label said. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "What does this mean, Ryan?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Uh..." Ryan shifted uncomfortably, looking at his shoes. That was his brains last surge of power. I'm sorry Gerard, but whatever he said to you just now where his last words to you. I'm so sorry Gerard." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Gerard's brain had shut down. Frank was almost dead. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Mikey. I need my brother Mikey." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "I'll get him in here", said Ryan, and left. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Moments later Mikey came in. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Oh, Gerard. I'm so sorry." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Gerard looked up, and Mikey was crying too. Frank was a very close friend of his, and Mikey had actually helped set Gerard and Frank up. A block formed in Gerard's throat, and he couldn't speak. Tears overpowered his eyes, and he broke down. He sobbed into Mikey's shoulder, and he felt Mikey's shoulders shake with sobs too. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "He told me he loved me, but I didn't say it back. I've said it before, but he'll never hear me say it again. Mikey..." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Shhh, Gee. I can't say it's okay, because it's not, but Frankie knows you love him. He knows." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Thank you, Mikey." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Frank had passed in his sleep not long after, with Gerard holding one hand, curled into his side, and Mikey holding the other, sitting by the bed. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Gerard hadn't cried when he heard the heart rate monitor flatline. He couldn't do anything. At all. Even when Mikey picked him up and took him away, he couldn't cry. He just couldn't. _   
  
Gerard was in no condition to do anything right now, so he left work.   
  
He walked home, the wind snapping at his coat.   
  
He walked into the apartment he shared with Mikey, as he had to sell the house he and Frank had been living in. The memories were too much.   
  
He flopped down on the couch. A couple minutes later, Mikey walked in the door.   
  
"Oh, Gee..."   
  
He dropped his stiff and walked over to Gerard, pulling him close in a hug.   
  
"Gerard, I can't imagine how you feel. I'm so sorry. It wrecks me to see you like this. I'm sorry, Gee. I love you, remember."   
  
"Love you too, mikeyway. You are the best brother. Don't know what I would do without you."   
  
"Wallow in your own self-pity and memories of Frank?"   
  
The name stung like a fucker, but Gerard shrugged it off, determined to not let it visibly get to him.   
  
"Probably."   
  
"Are you up for Chinese food? I'll pay."   
  
"If you're paying I'm down."   
  
Mikey laughed softly.   
  
"Fuck you, Gee."   
  
"That's incest and that's not cool, Mikey."   
  
"Goddamn. Do you want Chinese or not?"   
  
Gerard sighed. It was his go-to guilt food, so he couldn't refuse.   
  
"I do. Thanks Mikes, I owe you."   
  
"No you don't. My treat."   
  
Then Gerard caught a whiff of Frank's smell again, and was pulled down by the plaguing demonic memories of Frank's note.   
  
_ 'Dear Gerard.' _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Frank's shaky handwriting graced the paper that was till smeared in blood. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ 'Gerard, I love you. So much, it feels like my heart is going to burst. I'm happy. But I'm slipping. I'm falling. I'm drowning. I can't escape the voices this time, they've caught up to me, and they have my hands tied and a blade to my throat. I love you. You would always tell me to drown my demons in happiness, and I could around you. When you left for work today, however, the demons came back up. I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim. I hate myself for doing this, but I need a release bigger than a fucking blade to my wrist. I love you. Tell Mikey I love him too, the shady lil motherfucker. I love both of you, but you, Gerard. You are a beauty like no other. You are my everything. I love you.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I love you. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ -frnkxo _   
  
Gerard gasped, and started to cry. The memories were pulling him under, slowly.   
  
He felt Mikey's arms around his chest, and he heard, distantly, Mikey's voice telling him to breath. And he did.   
  
He took deep breaths, one for every ounce of love he had for Frank. If he measured it that way, he would be breathing for ever.   
  
And Gerard kept breathing.   
  
He just breathed.   
  
_ Tick. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ Tock.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> So I have a big Gawsten fic that I'm working on currently. It should be up in a couple of weeks hopefully. Sorey for the lack of smut recently, I just feel like writing angsty/sad shit. Isorta enjoyed this, as heartbreaking as it was. Thanks for reading:)


End file.
